Practice and Chronic Illness
This illness (in my case, it's recently-diagnosed fibromyalgia) has been a huge source of frustration for me. It (obviously) affects all aspects of my life, but it makes my spiritual life especially challenging. Just yesterday, I was working on stillness practice, and I could not become still, because I could not stay in one position for too long, due to the pain. That was dismaying; after all, if I can't even be still, how can I possibly ever be effective at conducting ritual or spell work? Sometimes, I don't set foot in my Temple for weeks--not because I've given up, but because I have to pull back and save my energy for other things, like basic functioning.
Tomorrow night, I'm planning on doing something specific. It will absolutely sap my energy, so today and tomorrow, I am taking it as easy as I can. As we all know, spell work has to be precise. There is no room for screwing that up. I generally do not wing it with spells, especially those of the type that I am planning for tomorrow. This means that everything else will have to wait, which frustrates the hell out of me. This is my New Normal. This is my life now.
I do not allow myself to feel guilt or to feel inferior or unworthy. There is always some self-pity with chronic illness. Let's be honest. I don't let it defeat me, though. Even in those periods when I'm not using my Temple, I always have an open mind and a running dialogue with my personal Gods and my higher self. I'm always reading about the Craft or discussing it with people. I've even (finally) found a local discussion group for solitaries out where I live. I remind myself every day that there is room for me in the Craft just as I am and that I have a purpose within the Craft just as I am.
In time, I will learn how to manage my Path as a sick person. For now, I am being gentle with myself, and I am cherishing my work as a Priestess that much more.