Scarcity...Or Opportunity?

Money is a sore topic for a lot of people, and it is particularly challenging for many Pagans.  For me, money is an entity with whom I'm frequently locked in a complicated and often adversarial dance.  I like having money.  I don't feel the need to be filthy rich (though that would be nice,) but just to have enough and then a little more would be ideal. I frequently worry about whether there is enough, and this causes me to focus on money more than I feel I should be.

At the end of 2013, I lost my long-time, full time job.  Since then, I have been freelancing, depending on unemployment, and working a part time corporate job. My success has been...mixed.  Let's just say that, even with two incomes (one and a half, really,) things are tight.  The issue of scarcity and the subject of money are in my face, viscerally, every day.  Add in the fact that I'm kind of spoiled and have been struggling with giving up "wants" (I have done well with it, but I still have a ways to go,) and it's hard not to step out of this painful dance.

For most of 2014--and even now, I am keeping up the effort--I made the conscious decision to try and look at opportunity instead of lack.  Granted, now that things in my personal life are getting more stressful, I'm having more trouble with that, but my heart is still in it, so I won't give up.  When I see a shortfall or an empty space, I'm trying really hard to look for the opportunities

Just a few weeks ago, my last corporate assignment ended.  We also have started building an addition to my mom's house out of state, so that we can move in with her and help her out.  I have not had any luck finding work.  (Part time administrative work or any part time work that pays reasonably well is very hard to find!)  Right now, I have nothing tying me to the corporate world, and other than funds being tight, I'm kind of enjoying it.  We are preparing the house and property for our new life.

I have nothing material tying me to my current home state.  I'm going to be putting my house on the rental and sales markets simultaneously.  I'm going to be redirecting my job search out closer to where I'll be living.  I will be able to make a new start on a new phase of my life, and I have the power to decide how I will be living.  We are building things on the property--a dog run and a fire pit.  Granted, they are not a big deal, but they will be made by hand by me and my partner.  We are working that land.  We are designing our addition, hand picking colors and finishes and fixtures.  We are going to be putting in a new garden. I'm going to try and grow things I've never grown before.

To me, this is all opportunity.  It's still my mom's house, so we are not taking over, but the aspects of the day to day that we will be in charge of will be ours to direct.  I realize I can also direct this new focus to my work and finances.  The truth is, I'm enjoying my current lull in employment, because, among all of my chores, phone calls, and must-dos, I have a lot of time to think.  I don't have time to create, but I have time to think, to let things take shape.

I don't know what I want to do.  Maybe the what isn't important.  Maybe it's just the doing.  Maybe this is not a time in my life to focus on work, but on resources.  I have the opportunity here to throw myself more deeply into freelancing and into making money with my art and writing.  I have books I want to write and publish.  I also have the opportunity to help and to nourish.  I think that's where my focus needs to be:  On helping Mom and on fostering my own resourcefulness and creativity. On being present for my family.

As it is, my job search is on hold, and I'm just using the unemployment.  We are now living 50/50 (or more like 60/40) in WV and in MD. When I'm not at the house in WV managing the renovations, I'm taking Mom to appointments or tending to my own house.  I work one day a week.  There is no way I could commit to a "normal" job right now--even a part time one.  Once I've moved and am settled in WV, then  I will get back to the job search.  I do what I have to for unemployment, and if a job came along that was suitable, I wouldn't turn it down, but right now, I'm happy to trust the Gods to guide and protect me.

I'm looking at money in a different way.  I'm trying to match and roll with the sometimes unpredictable flow of money.  I'm trying to get back to seeing it for the mere tool and symbol that it is.  I have not had enough time or energy to do a prosperity working just yet, but I will probably do so after I am settled.  I'm very much rooted in Earth right now.  I feel like I am gaining control of this tool back, but rebuilding is going to take me some time.

I am grateful for the lessons I am learning, though.  My adult life has not been an easy one, financially, but I am smarter than I give myself credit for.  What I have not had in the past, but am learning now is patience.  I will keep my eyes open for the opportunities before me instead of bitching about being broke.  That much I know now.
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