"Shy" (c) Jennifer L. Moore
Due to all that has happening and continues to happen with my family, 2013 has been a solitary year for me, in terms of my practice. Since my weekends belong to my family, I was unable to attend much of anything. I did manage to make it to a Samhain celebration, and I'm thankful for that, but that's about it. I have had to make the tough decision, due to financial circumstances, not to continue with a group with whom I've been involved for a long time. I will, of course, be keeping in touch with everyone with an eye to maybe resuming in 2015, but I will not be attending their formal/closed events.
Being a solitary Wiccan is not a new concept for me. I was solitary for a very long time before I joined my first Coven. It's just that I'm "off my game". My life is so focused on the day-to-day right now that I am out of sync with the Seasons, with the Moon phases, etc. I have trouble making time to throw cards when I light my altar, let alone time to cast a Circle and actually celebrate something. It's pretty frustrating, but that's just life right now.
As we move into the new year, however, I am working on rebuilding my practice. It is vitally important for me to focus on being a Witch again. I can't set it aside in favor of mundane matters any longer. It is not good for my health. Instead, my task for this year is to work on weaving it back into the whole of my life. Last year, I, along with the rest of my family, was very focused on earthly matters. We had crisis after crisis after crisis, and there just was no energy for the Work. Now, I have time and some space, and I plan to use these resources for getting back in touch with my spirituality--and I hope with my community.
I lost my job in December (I have severance and insurance for a bit longer), and I have come to learn that this was meant to happen. I am at a growing phase in my life, and it is not something that can be put off until a more convenient or a less awful time. I have learned that I need to have this openness in my life right now in order to move forward through this growing period to the next thing. If I resist, things will only get worse. Right now, I am in a resting period. My last place of work was really bad for me, and I should not have stayed that long (but try as I might, I was unable to find another job and move on.) The decision was finally made for me, but not before I was exhausted. Between now and mid-February, my actions will be centered around quiet and rest and nurturing my body. I am getting doctor appointments out of the way, attending to health matters. I am spending time not doing a whole lot. I am trying to eat and sleep well. After this resting period is over, then I will be able to concentrate on building the next phase of my life. Unlike I would have in the past, I am not worrying, and I am not questioning this. I am simply listening to the Universe and to my own, inner guides and rolling with it. I have myself on a strict schedule regarding job search, appointments, etc. I don't allow myself to overdo, but I keep myself available at all times for whatever may come up. Worry is resistance.
Along with the job loss aftermath, I am also helping to care for my mother. I visit once a week, sometimes on weekends, sometimes during the week. I go when she anticipates that she will need the most help. She's about 45 minutes away, and I usually make it an overnight visit. I am glad to be available to help out. Originally, my partner and I were going to sell my house and move closer to her, but that can't happen right now, so we do the best we can. I am not doing this alone, either. It is a joy to be available, but it is a lot to juggle, along with appointments, job search, etc. 2014 should be a very interesting year!
This post sort of rambled, but there's a lot going on, and I have a lot in my head. This post is for those members of my community--friends and acquaintances--who may have wondered where I have been, why I have not been appearing at any events, why I have said "no" or "maybe" more than "I'll be there!" this past year. Life has taken me in a different direction, but I am trying to make my way back!
Lastly, I want to share a verse that stood out to me this morning. It's from the book, The Cosmic Tribe Tarot, by Stevee Postman and Eric Ganther (the verse, I believe, was written by Ganther):
"Of all the ways of praying,
I like barefoot best.
When footfalls feel the forest,
Pouring myself into my arches,
I am remembered as her child..."