I have not been updating this blog as much as I have wanted to recently. I see that I've only updated it about once every two months. I would like to update more often. Unfortunately, my life has gotten rather more complicated recently, and I am moving into a new stage in my life. It will take a while for me to adjust to my new schedule and my new reality, and at that point, I hope that I can start posting more regularly again.
To borrow a phrase, "The Gods never give us more than we can handle." Well, they sure must think a lot of me, because my plate is very full right now! My family is getting to the point where we have to start taking care of my parents. Right now, every weekend I have free is being spent in WV with my parents, and I'm going to be moving closer to them within the next year or two. (That's the plan, anyway.) At this time, I'm focusing on being available to them and to the rest of the family to make sure everything goes smoothly with them. Fortunately, they are both reasonably healthy right now, but we've had some upsets in the past few months. We are all adjusting.
This has made it impossible for me to attend any Community events--very few, anyway. I'm practicing as a Solitary right now, though I do try to keep my finger on the local Pagan pulse, and I attend things when I can. (I may be able to attend some stuff in June.) Once I know where I am moving (Western MD or WV), I will be reaching out to Pagans in that area. For now, DC is still my spiritual home, even if I am largely absent.
Beltain for me this year was about the turning of the Wheel of Life--not the Wheel of the Year, but of Life itself. I am in my early 40s. I entered my Mother phase back when I was in my 30s. (It is a tangible shift, even for those women, who, like myself, do not have children.) This year at Beltain, as I was dealing with my parents' new reality, I felt myself moving deeper into that life phase.
It's a little bit scary, and I have to say it's more than a little bit depressing. It's not depressing because I fear getting older. It's depressing, because it is a reminder that I am now a Grownup, and there is no going back. It is depressing, because I'm being forced to think about future losses I'm not necessarily ready to think about--even though I know they are coming. (Indeed, I look forward to enjoying my parents' company for years to come!) Hard reminders of reality are like that.
I also find myself letting go of a lot of grudges. Some of them are falling away a little more slowly, because the hurts they have brought run deep, but having to focus on the bigger picture has a way of reminding us how unimportant some things are. I may still feel angry about some things, but in time, that will fade.
Litha is not far off. It is usually a very powerful time for me, and I fully intend to use that time to recharge. I'm going to need that infusion of Solar magic to get me through the things I need to do over the next few months!
Please do check back here, and don't give up on my little blog. I have some posts waiting in draft to be developed and shared, and who knows--I just might get the time to do that!