I was finally able to hold my observance last night. Being a modern, suburban Witch is really hard! You have so many other things pulling at your attention and eating up your time! I'd be willing to bet my way, way, way, way, waaaay-back Ancestors didn't have to pencil in Mabon!
Anyhow, it took me some time to decide what I was going to do for Mabon (on my own, as opposed to with the various groups with whom I associate,) so I looked back at the year I've had, and I listened to my body, and I settled on a healing bath and some Black Heart work. In my case, this means doing the healing work that will clear the way for me to reconnect with my own Black Heart.
I gathered up leaves from down the street, got my cakes and brandy together, and set my altar up in my bathroom for this Ritual. (Ideally, I would have used an isolation tank, but I have neither the money nor the space for one, so a candle lit bathroom and a tub full of warm water had to do.) I gathered the stones I wanted to use and the appropriate oils. I salted the bath water, blended in my oils, and that was that.
Slowly, as I lay there in the water, I could feel things falling away from me like the first leaves dropping from the trees. This year's slights, hurts, annoyances, injuries, disappointments, grudges, hang ups, sticking points, stalled projects, and ills started to drop away, one by one. *swsh...swsh...swsh...*
I started to feel just a little bit lighter, and as I did, I spent a few moments in stillness, and then I shifted my focus to this year's harvest. What was I going to put away for the coming year? I grabbed up Hope and kudos I've received and the excitement of projects that are starting to form. I gathered up job leads and new friendships (and deepened ones) and determination, and I tucked them away safely for the new year.
I do have some new projects in the pipeline; however, I am still dealing with some health issues, so I have put a lot of things off until after Samhain. I plan to use the time from now until Samhain caring for myself. There will be a lot of doing nothing when I have down time. There will be some art for my own sake (as opposed to art to sell.) There will be reconnecting with people about whom I care. Hopefully, there will be some cooking and baking and other domestic acts, which I love so dearly, but for which I usually do not make the time. 2012 has not been a great year for me, and I'm in pain, and I'm very tired. This will be my time.
It's taken me a very long time, but I have learned that my time is not only OK and not selfish: It is imperative to take down time and say "no" and "maybe later" sometimes. I'm hopeful that, within this period, I will get some answers about my health. So far, my blood work is always very good, and nothing has shown up. For that I give thanks; however, the pain and fatigue tell me that something is going on. I'd like to find out what, so that I can bury it at Samhain. ;)
My Sabbat observances are normally not so inwardly focused, but this felt right at this time. It makes sense, as we are in the Dark Half of the year. The blazing insights have not hit me yet, and I have not been given a poem or song, but I have found that the deeper the work, the longer the answers (or questions) take to surface. I'll be keeping my journal close by.
I do regret that I did not get out to the public Rituals of which I was aware. Family duties are ramping up, however, so my schedule is getting nuttier than ever. I wish everyone a very blessed Autumn.